Sweetly coming clean at the end of the year

We're rounding the corner to the end of 2013, which means we are approaching the first anniversary of this version of my blog. Now most research shows that the majority of blogs only last a few months. It's hard to actually find current stats on this because even Technorati's "State of the Blogosphere" hasn't been updated for a few years, which I suppose says something right there.

Obviously social media changes (Friendster anyone?) and perhaps blogs will be gone soon and only Instagram/Vine will remain, but as for now, I am pleased I have managed to keep this format going to many visitors. This is the third iteration of my blog in the past 15 years(!) and probably the most viewed of all three. Maybe weight issues are that much more exciting to folks than ska music and librarianship.

And what have I learned? Well, even though this blog does have a lot of links to research, it is still my personal journey and it's both freeing and terrifying to talk about oneself online. I worry sometimes that it seems narcissistic, but it really isn't too surprising that I get a of e-mails and posts from folks saying they went through the same thing. I suppose one way we deal with uncertainty is to find answers we feel match our own beliefs and wishes, but the idea that others seek the same can be empowering.

So, it's time get a little more personal and be a little more terrified. It not only marks the 1st anniversary of the blog and the 2nd anniversary of weight maintenance, January 2014 also marks the 13th year since I stopped "partying". 

I won't go into huge details, but let's just say my earlier years were not spent in a very healthy way, which probably didn't help my weight either. Just as food was used to feed feelings, so were other items. And while calling food an addiction can be troublesome at best, one can certainly see some similar behaviors from food intake and illicit substances. Ritualized preparation, hiding behavior from others, the obsessive quality of searching for it, the binge events, even withdrawal.

Yes, withdrawal. Years ago I went on an Atkins-like diet, with only about 10g of carb intake a day. This was after eating lots of cakey-candy snacks a few times a day. Naturally, the water weight came off pretty fast and furious. I lost 14 lbs. in the first week. And that first week was AWFUL. When I told people it felt like withdrawal, most people poo-poo'd that, saying, "Oh, Dan, don't be dramatic." 

But it did. And I knew it did because I'd been through withdrawal. The aches and shakes. The unstable moods and emotions. The shamble of bodily functions. The signals from your body trying to suck one tiny milligram of that substance back into your system. And this time it was just from sugar. 

It made me much more aware of the power of food. So, is sugar addictive? I can't say it from a scientific point, but I certainly saw the connection to other addictions.

And now there's some new research that shows sugar affecting different parts of the brain's reward system, more so than fat. Which means of course that all those Low-Fat/Non-Fat treats which usually have more sugar in them are actually worse for you. But it also shows that the action of sugar can mimic addiction. It rewards us in our pleasure centers. But like any substance, it doesn't mean everyone is affected the same way. Some people can handle it and some have more trouble. However, anything that excites our pleasure zones tends to be more desirable in large amounts.

But I also think this speaks to a lot of the other "special diets" out there, because even though they all have their acolytes, a lot of them can be traced back to less sugar. Paleo? Well, you're probably eating a lot less processed sugar, unless you're one of those cookie baking paleos. Gluten-free? Well, most of those gluten treats are processed baked goods with sugar. So is it really gluten that was causing your self-described health issues or was it something else? (Note: I do understand and appreciate the difference between the actual immuno deficiency disease of celiac disease and those who just claim they "can't eat gluten" until it comes to cupcakes.)

Whatever the idea, how much has sugar played in it? 

And don't get me wrong. Sugar can be great. I'm not kicking it out of my kitchen. A pinch in sauce is usually as important as that pinch of salt. And baking with agave syrup is not the same. But I also know need to be vigilant to see when I'm jumping from occasional treat to bingey/addiction behavior.  

So now we start a new year and there will be new media pieces on food, new fads and new acolytes. And hopefully there will be continuing blog entries of the Streamlined Ska Librarian. I still have so many things to post about, such as the search for a new trainer, the continuing issues of men's clothes and perceived body image, and the rest of my continuing journey. 

So Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all my readers, lurkers, linkers, friends and family. Thank you all for being part of this. 

And Happy Multiple Anniversary to Me! See you next year!




References:

“Food Addiction – Myth or Reality?” Accessed December 22, 2013. http://www.weightwatchers.com/util/art/index_art.aspx?tabnum=1&art_id=217521&sc=808.

Kamal, Ahmad M., and Jacquelyn Burkell. “Addressing Uncertainty: When Information Is Not Enough / Faire Face À L’incertitude : Quand L’information Ne Suffit Pas.” Canadian Journal of Information and Library Science 35, no. 4 (2011): 384–396. doi:10.1353/ils.2011.0030.

Stice, E., Burger, K. S., & Yokum, S. (2013). Relative ability of fat and sugar tastes to activate reward, gustatory, and somatosensory regions. The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, 98(6), 1377–1384. doi:10.3945/ajcn.113.069443

Obsessively healthy

Enough laziness....time to get my workout on!

I knew those Pilates classes were good for my core! :) 



Much as I am a sucker for the Scopitone era, one thing that does strike me is that a lot of the women (and the one guy) dancing around that pool would be considered "unfit" by today's standards. And not in the sense that they are "fat", but rather that they don't look "strong." (Which is really another way of saying "thin but with visible muscles.")

I'm all for understanding what a healthy body looks like and I still get a bit giggly when I catch my reflection in a mirror (Hello, studly!), but I know that it took some time to actually convince myself that I don't have to be a solid six-packed beefcake dude nor super-skinny fella to look good AND look healthy. 

And yet there's this trend happening with these "Fitspiration" or "fitspo" posts on websites, facebook, etc. I'm sure you've seen them, so I won't bother putting one on here, even snarkily. 

It's still a shaming and somewhat misguided way of saying "you're not good enough, but here's some bad, pat advice with a still unrealistic photo to make you feel passive-aggressively better." And I know I'm not the only person that has problems with this trend. This post covers it pretty well.  However, it also draws me towards a topic about which I'm not too happy; the excessive attitude of many of the health-minded people. 

At various points in my life, I've had to drop some friends and acquaintances who were just unhealthy to be around. Sometimes it was for reasons centering about substance abuse, sometimes it was someone who just promoted a toxic environment. It's never easy, even when you know you have to do it, but it does happen. And lately I've had to "unfriend" those people who I felt were not healthily contributing to Streamlined Ska Librarian lifestyle. 

I'm not talking about people who insisted on eating pans of lasagna in front of me or those who would get frustrated now that I've cut back on the beers. Different eating habits don't mess up friendships, at least in my thought process. No, the people who I had to "let go" were all "healthy living" folks. Because how they were treating themselves (and others) was very unhealthy.

I previously posted about Social Physique Anxiety and my own change in mindset towards gyms and working out. We've seen enough about eating disorders and how societal factors contribute to those. But what about exercise and "healthy living"? Can someone treat it like a disorder? Is there such a thing as going too far? 

A few bloggers have coined it as "healthorexia" but I see it's actually been addressed some years before as Orthorexia Nervosa. That does seem to be more oriented solely towards food intake, but the expression does seem to be used as well to denote those folks who take both healthy food and exercise to an extreme.  

There have been some studies questioning whether or not it is an actual disorder and one somewhat troubling study seeing if there was a prevalence of orthorexics among Dietitians! (Hmm...Dietitians with food issues...that's like Librarians as hoarders.)

Whatever it's official diagnosis, I can't help but think these Fitspo photos have not helped. It gives the impression that you're otherwise doing it wrong. 

And I'm not immune. Almost a decade ago, I tried the Low Carb diet. And one day, I ate 8 grapes. And I proceeded to freak out that I ruined my whole diet experience. Thankfully, I immediately checked myself and realized there was something fundamentally wrong with any eating plan that would do that to your head. 

And yet, that's what we're seeing in orthorexics and those people who are no longer my friends. Every few weeks was a new "eating plan" that usually included some point of abstinence, starvation or "special food", while exercising to the point of continued injury and ill health. And then deriding those who did not follow the same plan. Never mind that it often changed from week to week. As a friend, I tried to support them but it soon became apparent that they did not want support that didn't follow their own strictures. 

But I've now seen this behavior all over the web, too. And unfortunately it's now easily shared among the internet and with it, the bullying atmosphere that comes with this medium: 

"You didn't puke? You're not exercising enough!"  
"You made non-paleo cupcakes? Stuff your face with failure!" 

How does this help people feel better about themselves? I'm all for being pushed into working harder. That's why I go to a trainer. But it's not about doing something til I puke. Or as my trainer put it, "I'm not here to beat you up, Dan. You seem quite capable of doing that yourself. I'm here to take it in the right direction."

So, I'm not a fan of this orthorexic movement. But I also hope that in my own quest for Streamlined life, I have not been perpetuating this attitude among others. One of the saddest parts of my Streamlined Ska Librarian journey is losing friends who feel they no longer "know me" because I'm trying to live healthier. Is it because I'm no longer staying out late drinking pitchers and eating entire pizzas? Or have I become something less palatable? Have I become as toxic as those people that I have had to unfriend? It's a reality check, to be sure. 

I'd like to think I'm basically still me, but more aerodynamic. So I hope to work on still being that way. If I start posting photos of airbrushed athletes with "hang in there, baby!", you all have the right to delete me.


References: 

Kinzl, Johann F., Katharina Hauer, Christian Traweger, and Ingrid Kiefer. “Orthorexia Nervosa in Dieticians.” Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics 75, no. 6 (2006): 395–396. doi:10.1159/000095447.

McInerney-Ernst, Erin Michelle. “Orthorexia Nervosa: Real Construct or Newest Social Trend?” Thesis, University of Missouri--Kansas City, 2011. https://mospace.umsystem.edu/xmlui/handle/10355/11200.

Vandereycken, Walter. “Media Hype, Diagnostic Fad or Genuine Disorder? Professionals’ Opinions About Night Eating Syndrome, Orthorexia, Muscle Dysmorphia, and Emetophobia.” Eating Disorders 19, no. 2 (2011): 145–155. doi:10.1080/10640266.2011.551634.

Manly Man Binging Revisited

I've posted previously about my binge eating and that post references one of the few bits of research stating that there needs to be more men as subjects in BED studies. 

A recent study actually looked at the differences between men and women with binge eating disorder. There were some not so surprising differences, such as women tend to have more past dieting attempts than men, but men claim to engage in more strenuous exercise to counteract weight gain. I don't even think that's truly specific to people who binge eat. But overall there wasn't a huge amount of difference.

However, there was one result which I found disturbing: The men in the study had a much higher rate than women (almost twice as much) of displaying symptoms of metabolic syndrome. Their blood pressure, triglycerides and fasting glucose were all extremely elevated. Now, this was a self-selected group of individuals and not an incredibly diverse population in regards to race, age, etc. But it was men, something we don't normally see in a lot of these studies. Even with increased exercise regimens, this behavior can lead to trouble, health-wise.

This is still an issue close to my heart. Close to my well being is probably a more apt way to phrase it. I can't say I've had specific "trigger" events recently, but it's been some hectic few months and there's definitely been an increase in the "donut." Is that from binging? Possibly. I have caught myself doing it more than usual. (Which might also be looked at as not having caught myself before). I still continue to increase muscle mass. My biceps now exceed 15", which means they've grown over 3 inches in the past year, while my chest and shoulders are so much bigger I can't fit into most of my button down shirts up top anymore. And my waist is still much smaller, but it's still not as small as it was. Has increased exercise made me binge more? I certainly can't use the "protein" argument if I'm not binging on protein, can I? Is there part of me seeing exercise as an excuse to binge? Is it an excuse if you don't necessarily realize you're binging until you are?

I know I haven't been trying to remain "aware" when I eat as much as I was when I was losing weight. Not necessarily "dieting" but just realizing how fast I was eating, pausing to see if I was full, asking myself if I really wanted to eat something. You know, all the "proper" stuff to do. Amazing how a "change of lifestyle" can be ephemeral.

So no, I haven't been doing that. And it's sad and a little scary how binging can come back and how fast it can change your body. I needed some sort of "clickable" moment again, where I could relate to something more universal. And here comes this study: men like me who do this. 

Because even if this study was only one small subject group, it did include men and it includes one result I didn't want to see. Enough that I hope it might give me a decent goal: don't screw up my health. It's not about worrying if I'm fat or attractive or can fit into my newer pants. It's about not getting ill from binging. 

Once in awhile we all need a kick in the head. Thank you, researchers at Yale University School of Medicine for landing one square on my noggin.

Yes, I know we can often cherry-pick the results we want fomr research. But I want and need this one, so let me follow that motivation.

References:

Udo, Tomoko, Sherry A. McKee, Marney A. White, Robin M. Masheb, Rachel D. Barnes, and Carlos M. Grilo. “Sex Differences in Biopsychosocial Correlates of Binge Eating Disorder: a Study of Treatment-seeking Obese Adults in Primary Care Setting.” General Hospital Psychiatry. Accessed September 23, 2013. doi:10.1016/j.genhosppsych.2013.07.010.

The fluffy call....of evil!!!

I've talked before about my binge eating issues and things that may trigger them. I also mentioned incredibly out-of-place cravings: things I want to gorge on that I've never wanted most of the time. Like tubs of icing. Or jelly.

And then one day I was reading some completely non-food related article and there it was. A single word:

Via

And after 4 decades, all of a sudden I wanted one.

When I was very small, my brother and sister and I acted like all young children did and woke up at some ungodly early hour on Saturdays. While waiting between cartoons, my brother and I would wreak havoc around the house and my sister, the eldest and the wisest, would try to keep us calm by providing us with breakfast. A breakfast of fluffernutters on hamburger buns. With enough filling to be bigger than our hands could easily hold.

via Parade Magazine

(No, that's not on a hamburger bun, but that didn't exist online and I was NOT going to make on just for this post!)

I suppose the gooeyness of the peanut butter and marshmallow creme kept our mouths too full to scream, although all that sugar in our systems was probably the cause of much household damage.

But my health conscious, Julia Child-emulating parents soon stopped buying the stuff so my fluffernutter days were very short lived. And, as I got older, I sort of moved away from any marshmallow sort of snack. Not a big fan of Mallowmars. And never one to go crazy over s'mores. I don't like marshmallows.

So why did this word just trigger a craving for something I haven't eaten in years?

We can say that fluffernutters are an embedded pop artifact of the Northeast. There was even a call (somewhat not seriously) to make it the official sandwich of Massachusetts. It certainly has it's supporters. Could it be something that reminded me of those simpler, more sugar laden times?

I don't think that's it. My childhood does not hold those Proustian memories. It doesn't take me back as much as say stuffed cabbage or an egg cream.

No, I think it's more likely some craving for sweet reward in my body. I think my brain is trying to get things I don't want my body to have. A recent study showed how obese and overweight men given a high glycemic-index meal (or milkshake thing, really) showed marked decrease in plasma glucose and a greater increases in hunger more often than those fed the lower GI meal. I think we all knew high GI foods wreak havoc with us, but this study was interesting because it showed which parts of the brain it affects. It works on those areas that control reward and cravings. All that sweet stuff causes us to feel good and then makes us want more.   

And now that I'm rounding into 2 full years of maintaining this Streamlined Ska Librarian body, I'm seeing it still hasn't gotten easier. There are still moments when it feels like fighting an addiction. And like addictions, it's not necessarily the specific product that you want, but rather the effect that type of product will cause in your body and psyche. And like addictions, I know that even attempting something sweet in moderation often leads me to fall down a slippery slope.

In the back of my head, I'm still fighting these issues. And seeing that word...that word that represents some gooey childhood treat...doesn't call to me for youngster memories, but rather because my body knows what eating one will do. It knows what reward my brain will feel.

So, I'm sorry, fluffernutter. I don't really want you. You don't make me feel like a happy kid. You're just the bad kid on the corner giving out freebies, so I get sucked into being a regular customer.

I'm gonna have to just say no.


References:

Lennerz, B. S., Alsop, D. C., Holsen, L. M., Stern, E., Rojas, R., Ebbeling, C. B., … Ludwig, D. S. (2013). Effects of dietary glycemic index on brain regions related to reward and craving in men. The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. doi:10.3945/ajcn.113.064113

liesener, katie. (2009). Marshmallow Fluff. Gastronomica: The Journal of Food and Culture, 9(2), 51–56. doi:10.1525/gfc.2009.9.2.51

A veritable food and comic vortex

The goal of this blog is not only to share my progress and journey (and food), but also the variety of research that's out there on weight loss, weight maintenance, dieting and the food industry, I know I find it interesting, but a lot of it can be heavy going, mulling through statistics and methodology, especially as many reports contradict other ones.

So I often escape into the mundane world of news and of course, the comforting lure of comic books.

However, now both have betrayed me into coercing a new blog post. Damn you, leisure reading!

First, the NY Times. I rue the day I started checking out their Health and Wellness section, Too many reports about new research on diet and weight! And almost every one makes me think, "Dang! Now I have to write a post! Will I ever get to discussing recipes?"

For example, here's an article that sort of addresses the topic of my previous post on the cost of working out. Of course, the fellow teaching this "pay what you want" course is not certified and I'm not sure if this sort of class would address issues such as my wonky leg in a boot camp setting, but there it is...topicality. I'm almost...prescient.

But then here's another, more substantial piece on junk food addiction and food companies development of such items. Now, part of me upon reading this thought, "well, duh!" I mean, is it so hard to grasp that companies will do most anything to sell products? It wasn't as if they were being deceptive, but just rather uncaring to the health of the general population.

Perhaps I felt it wasn't a surprise because it covers almost the exact same topics as The End of Overeating by David Kessler. I had to check that it wasn't written by the same person, although the Times article is more accusatory than the book, as it tied to the industry and less to personal responsibility.

And while I personally find the marketing of food science experiments into consumer product success studies interesting, I know it's not the most comforting thing to realize that snack food has been maximized for "mouth feel" and sugar-salt content. So as interesting as food chemistry is, it makes me run back to the comforting arms of the graphic novel.

Except that good ol' comic books have probably also contributed to my Retro Ska Librarian physique. My most comforting memory from youth into adulthood is new comic day, which was usually accompanied by a snack. Back in the 80's, I remember always buying two gooey confections at the now defunct Encore Patisserie in the East Village, so I could hole up in my bedroom of my crappy tenement and enjoy a visual and taste sensation combination. 

I can tell I conditioned myself into this behavior, as I still get an incredibly strong urge to snack when I pick up my new comics each Wednesday. The sense of escape almost seems incomplete without the proper "mouth feel" of a piece of cake or a bag of cheesy somethings. Can I blame the CEOs of snack food companies? Meh, they probably got me hooked, but it was up to me escape that grasp.

But I can see I'm not alone in that idea. Long time comics editor, writer, commentator Tom Spurgeon wrote a piece back in 2000 called Comics Made Me Fat. Spurgeon was at the time nearly 400 lbs. I suggest you read the whole snarky piece. It certainly hit the nail on my own denial of my then body and actions. But here's a snippet:

"comics has an effect on food consumption by fans because of their shared model for proper kids' behavior - doe-like passivity. As better critics than I have argued, superhero comics promote such an unrealistic fantasy based on bizarre, arbitrary models of action that they don't really give anyone a model for fully socialized behavior."

This past year, Spurgeon underwent emergency surgery and now is on a major weight loss regimen. He has lost over 200 lbs. His posts about that in Comics Made Me Somewhat Less Fat. He eats regular, healthier food and exercises a good amount.

Again, I recommend the entire piece, but here's this snippet:

"It's likely that I have a biological disposition towards overeating and even more likely that I have a giant suitcase full of hangups and emotional difficulties that helped frustrate any and all earlier efforts to do anything about it. But let's not bury my responsibility in buzzwords and gentle excuses. That was my fat, and my fault. I take full responsibility for that aspect of my health, and I die a little bit inside for anyone that doesn't."

He does add that he misses a lot of the food he used to eat and, indeed, food is awesome.

And this could be me. 

A lot of food out there was created to taste better than what we could whip up on our own. A lot if it tastes incredibly good. And a lot of it...a whole lot of it...got a lot of us in hot water, both physically and psychologically.

A lot can be blamed on the food companies...adding extra sugar and fat into food, odd chemicals and such. But we knew what was happening. We saw our bodies changing for the worse.

I can't blame them for filling my gullet beyond the recommended daily allowance. Nor can I blame comic publishers for getting me to buy their wares every week for the past several decades.

Choices are ours to make. Blame can only go so far.

Otherwise, we'd all end up in the hospital imitating Matter Eater Lad:

References:

Kessler, David A. The end of overeating: taking control of the insatiable American appetite. Emmaus, Pa.; New York: Rodale ; Distributed to the trade by Macmillan, 2009.

Moss, Michael. “The Extraordinary Science of Addictive Junk Food.” The New York Times, February 20, 2013, sec. Magazine. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/magazine/the-extraordinary-science-of-junk-food.html.

Rubin, Courtney. “People’s Bootcamp in New York and the Price of Fitness.” The New York Times, February 22, 2013, sec. Fashion & Style. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/24/fashion/peoples-bootcamp-in-new-york-and-the-price-of-fitness.html.

Spurgeon, Tom. "Comics Made Me Fat" Comics Reporter January 1, 2000. http://www.comicsreporter.com/index.php/briefings/commentary/1865/ 
_______. "Comics Made Me Somewhat Less Fat" Comics Reporter July 19, 2012 http://www.comicsreporter.com/index.php/comics_made_me_less_fat_how_i_lost_220_pounds_in_18_months/